Category Archives: health

Getting back on the path

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I wonder if other people react the same way to this: someone tells you how awesome you are at something, and then you automatically don’t want to do it anymore for fear that you will somehow let them down with your sudden lack of awesomeness at this thing which you were ostensibly great at. That was the catalyst that initially stopped me writing last year; someone told me she loved my blogs and suddenly I had writer’s block. I can’t blame it all on her, because the issue was really my own insecurity. It was like as soon as I knew I had a captive audience, my brain was like “OH GOD, NOW I HAVE TO DELIVER?!” and just noped off to the corner to stick its fingers in its ears with the requisite “lalalala I can’t hear you” mantra.

The thing is, I really did just start this thing to keep myself accountable for my journey, and that was the other thing that failed in the last 7 months. I haven’t been successful at holding myself accountable at all, despite going through periods of real effort at doing so. I got obstinate and surly about the fact that I seemingly (because we really don’t know what other people’s struggles are, do we?) have to work so much harder than others to reach and obtain optimal health. And that ugly asshole, Depression, reared its head for a while too, and because I’m an emotional eater, guess what happened there? Yup, a gain of 25 lbs.

So, now I’m struggling to regain my consistency in both nutrition and exercise, but I blatantly refuse to give up entirely. Nobody else is going to be able to make this happen for me, so if I want it, I have to do it myself. As a result of the reaffirmation of that understanding in my brain, my efforts have to be re-doubled….really, re-trebled if I’m going to get ahead. Apparently sometimes on a journey of 1000 miles, you end up retracing your steps here and there. I suppose that’s something we all should already know; how many of us get side-tracked off of the path to our goals and end up facing the wrong way, or re-treading the same ground we’ve already traversed? I think it’s a part of the human condition, but that doesn’t mean I can’t consciously choose to try to counteract that tendency.

Alright then, here goes. Time for yet another #notestomyself:

Dear Twenty,

It’s time to get your ass in gear and hold yourself accountable again.  You *need * this,  mentally and physically,  to be a better massage therapist,  a better family member and friend, a better girlfriend…a better, happier, healthier you.  So, go. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of everything and everyone else that is important to you.

You’ve got this. I love you, and so do a lot of others. GO FOR IT!

Love,

Me

My Continuing Resolution, or Happy New Year

Nearly two years ago I came to the realization that I was miserable. Professionally, I was going through tremendous turmoil and self-doubt. I was nearing the end of my fourth year of teaching, and I had gained more than 50 pounds in the time since beginning my first year. I was depressed, angry, and completely unhappy with my professional life, and it was coloring everything else in my life, too.

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The First Flight Point*

*As any WoW player knows, the flight master in any city, town, or outpost in the game will, for a few silver pieces, sell you a “taxi” flight (usually on a wyvern or a gryphon) to any other city, town or outpost that you’ve been to. If you’re going a long way, the flight path takes you past the flight points between where you are and your destination, sort of like flying over the cities and towns between your departure city and your destination on a plane. When you’ve never been to the place that you want to go, though, you have to ride or run to the town under your own power and “discover” the flight points. I feel like that’s the way my journey is playing out, and that I’ve reached my first flight point.

 

Well, now. It’s been just over a month since I last posted. If you read that post, you might intuit that this last month plus has been quite a journey in its own right, and you’d be correct. A lot has changed for me, but in a lot of really small ways. Let me share some of it with you.

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An Unexpected Fork in the Road

My most recent post prior to this one had to do with my health, and I guess this is an update of sorts, though I wasn’t planning on ever having to write about this particular topic.

I went in to the doctor today for my yearly physical, which of course comes with a blood draw and the associated number values and such. Today there was only one that stood out… I’ve been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

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1000 Miles

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.”

-Lao Tzu

 

I’m beginning again a journey that I’ve begun more times than I can count. I’m hoping that this time I can see it through to what seems from here to be the end (though I know better than that if I’m being honest). Either way, though, I’ve got to get to a place where my body functions more healthily than it does now.

I can’t really recall the last time I didn’t have any weight to lose. In high school I was maybe only about 15 lbs. over the ostensibly-healthy weight for my height, but as a junior and senior, some of that was the muscle born of being an athlete. I didn’t really start to pack on extra pounds that weren’t muscle until I graduated.

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