Category Archives: Twenty

Feeling it out as I go…

…just like the rest of you. I’m going to make an effort to get back to sharing tidbits about my life and thoughts here. I mean, I pay for the site and my dear friend is hosting it for me for free. I should use it, right? Perhaps it’ll help me make sense of some of the goings-on in my life.

See you soon, then. ^.^

Getting back on the path

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I wonder if other people react the same way to this: someone tells you how awesome you are at something, and then you automatically don’t want to do it anymore for fear that you will somehow let them down with your sudden lack of awesomeness at this thing which you were ostensibly great at. That was the catalyst that initially stopped me writing last year; someone told me she loved my blogs and suddenly I had writer’s block. I can’t blame it all on her, because the issue was really my own insecurity. It was like as soon as I knew I had a captive audience, my brain was like “OH GOD, NOW I HAVE TO DELIVER?!” and just noped off to the corner to stick its fingers in its ears with the requisite “lalalala I can’t hear you” mantra.

The thing is, I really did just start this thing to keep myself accountable for my journey, and that was the other thing that failed in the last 7 months. I haven’t been successful at holding myself accountable at all, despite going through periods of real effort at doing so. I got obstinate and surly about the fact that I seemingly (because we really don’t know what other people’s struggles are, do we?) have to work so much harder than others to reach and obtain optimal health. And that ugly asshole, Depression, reared its head for a while too, and because I’m an emotional eater, guess what happened there? Yup, a gain of 25 lbs.

So, now I’m struggling to regain my consistency in both nutrition and exercise, but I blatantly refuse to give up entirely. Nobody else is going to be able to make this happen for me, so if I want it, I have to do it myself. As a result of the reaffirmation of that understanding in my brain, my efforts have to be re-doubled….really, re-trebled if I’m going to get ahead. Apparently sometimes on a journey of 1000 miles, you end up retracing your steps here and there. I suppose that’s something we all should already know; how many of us get side-tracked off of the path to our goals and end up facing the wrong way, or re-treading the same ground we’ve already traversed? I think it’s a part of the human condition, but that doesn’t mean I can’t consciously choose to try to counteract that tendency.

Alright then, here goes. Time for yet another #notestomyself:

Dear Twenty,

It’s time to get your ass in gear and hold yourself accountable again.  You *need * this,  mentally and physically,  to be a better massage therapist,  a better family member and friend, a better girlfriend…a better, happier, healthier you.  So, go. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of everything and everyone else that is important to you.

You’ve got this. I love you, and so do a lot of others. GO FOR IT!

Love,

Me

Leaving the Closet Behind: My Coming Out Story

This is going to be a long post, so bear with me.

The thing that they don’t tell you when you first come out of the closet is that you will always be coming out. I’ve come out so many times in my life, in multitudes of situations. The reality of being non-heterosexual in the current state of our society is that most people still assume that everyone else is heterosexual. My comings-out have occurred in video games, on social media, at the grocery store, with medical staff (No, there is absolutely no chance that I am pregnant. Yes, I’m sure.), in classrooms, at work, driving down the road (it’s hard not to be out to everyone if you cover your car in rainbows like I did at age 21), and in this blog post…and everywhere in between. There’s always going to be someone I meet who doesn’t know that I am a lesbian. Coming out is a perpetual process, and that’s something that each of us who comes out has to come to terms with in his or her own way. That being said, here I present the story of my initial, capital-letters, Coming Out.

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My Continuing Resolution, or Happy New Year

Nearly two years ago I came to the realization that I was miserable. Professionally, I was going through tremendous turmoil and self-doubt. I was nearing the end of my fourth year of teaching, and I had gained more than 50 pounds in the time since beginning my first year. I was depressed, angry, and completely unhappy with my professional life, and it was coloring everything else in my life, too.

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Making a Christmas Memory with a Child

Yesterday as I was checking my Twitter feed, one of my friends tweeted this out:

It immediately reminded me of the ornament project that I did in Kindergarten with my mom, who was a “Room Mom” that year (remember those?!), and my teacher, Mrs. Weaver.  I told Esme that I would send her the procedure, and as I was writing it up, I figured I’d just make it a blog post.  Enjoy!

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The First Flight Point*

*As any WoW player knows, the flight master in any city, town, or outpost in the game will, for a few silver pieces, sell you a “taxi” flight (usually on a wyvern or a gryphon) to any other city, town or outpost that you’ve been to. If you’re going a long way, the flight path takes you past the flight points between where you are and your destination, sort of like flying over the cities and towns between your departure city and your destination on a plane. When you’ve never been to the place that you want to go, though, you have to ride or run to the town under your own power and “discover” the flight points. I feel like that’s the way my journey is playing out, and that I’ve reached my first flight point.

 

Well, now. It’s been just over a month since I last posted. If you read that post, you might intuit that this last month plus has been quite a journey in its own right, and you’d be correct. A lot has changed for me, but in a lot of really small ways. Let me share some of it with you.

Continue reading The First Flight Point*

An unexpected journey

I’m not sure why, but my mind keeps going back to The Hobbit. It’s really quite odd, because I admit that I’ve never read any of Tolkien’s work, nor have I seen the recent movies of that particular novel.

Yeah, I know, some of you will want to revoke my geek/nerd cred for that one, but life happens, and sometimes movies get left in the dust. Novels, too.

So. A blog.

I’ve thought about starting a blog many times, but I always came back to the same conclusion about it. I didn’t think too many people would want to read what I had to say, and I also didn’t think I had the true desire to keep up with it. So, laziness won out, because the responsibility seemed like more than the novelty would bear.

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