Cross-post from Facebook: a message to the Trump supporters in my life.

Hello, dear blog readers. It’s been a while. I’m hoping to update more frequently in the near future. This post is a bit of a departure for me, however, so be forewarned. While I choose very specifically to not link my Facebook account to this blog, my Twitter, or the side of my life that deals with online gaming, I am going to post here something I posted on my Facebook account today. Here it is, in its entirety. Please note that trolling or inflammatory comments will be purged with prejudice; ain’t nobody got time for that. 

I don’t do a lot of posting on Facebook anymore.

Honestly, I find this platform to be a big mess. It’s structured so that one sees what the algorithm wants one to see. That alone is enough to make me eschew posting most of the time, because I feel like most of the people I want to see my posts simply will not ever see them.

I maintain my account here for two reasons: 1) I want to stay connected with people in my life with whom I would otherwise lose connection, and 2) if I maintain my identity here, nobody can hack/steal my profile. Oh, and 3) event planning mostly happens on Facebook so if you’re not on it, you miss out on events. Not that that’s a thing with COVID, but it will be again someday.

Having said all that, I’m going to post an article here that was written back after the last Presidential election. It is as valid today as it was then, and maybe even more so, since the Usurper in Chief is literally undermining the structure of the country, from the rule of law to the economy. The reasons he is doing these things are immaterial; the result is what matters.

If you are a Trump supporter, you are then actively against me, my health and well-being, and my future. I am a woman, and I am a lesbian. Trump, as a misogynist and homophobe, is vehemently against both of those things, and is therefore completely against my existence. Simply put, if you support him, you are therefore also completely against my existence. Even if you love me; loving me does not make this less true.

As Ms. Deibert says, if you don’t want to do the work of admitting that the person who you support has actively made my life in this country more difficult, more dangerous and more terrifying, and making amends for that?

“If you don’t want to do that work: okay.

By “okay” I do not mean I forgive you or that we are cool. I mean, you have made a decision and I will react to it accordingly. Notice I didn’t say respect it. A blatant disregard for the well being of others is not worthy of respect. But I will acknowledge this is a choice you made and I will walk away.”

I am tired of having people who ostensibly love and/or care about me sending me messages and/or putting up posts that support this reprehensible Usurper’s viewpoints and plans to further destroy what used to be a great country. I am tired of seeing these posts defended by “well this is my opinion” and “we can agree to disagree”. I am tired of having to simply shut my mouth and not say anything and keep the peace because it’s probably not worth saying anything, since it will fall on deaf ears. None of this is okay. None of it. I shouldn’t have to forego defending my existence to keep the peace. I shouldn’t even need to defend my existence in the first place, god damn it.

I am tired of being so outraged at the things that are happening EVERY SINGLE DAY in this country at this man’s behest, that I cannot possibly feel any more outraged, and am stuck in inaction because the outrage is so weighty that I cannot breathe. The outrage fatigue is overwhelming and immobilizing, and fucking abhorrent.

So, if you are a Trump supporter, and you’re not willing to do the things outlined in this article to make amends to myself, and all the other people that you are actively hurting by supporting this narcissistic megalomaniac? Okay. You do you. But you can do it without me.

Dear Trump Supporter Who Says They Love Me by Amanda Deibert


Right place + Right time = Magic


If you don’t play Blizzard games, you can’t possibly know why BlizzCon is important to those of us who do. If you do play Blizzard games and have never been to a BlizzCon, you need to go. Make every effort to make it happen at least once; you won’t regret it.

This year was my second; my first was in 2014. I can’t pick which is my favorite of the two because each had their own, unique experiences associated with them that could not possibly be duplicated. However, of all the unique experiences I’ve had at BlizzCon, the one I’m going to share with you here is second-to-none.

I arrived on Thursday of con week, and stayed until the following Monday. My intent was to find a group of people to join up with who were going to Disneyland on Sunday; I haven’t been since I was 18 and I was looking forward to being a big ol’ kid again. However, I was up past 2am on Saturday night, and the prospect of getting up early did not appeal to me, so I didn’t message any of the people that I knew had plans to go. I figured that if I ended up going, I’d just meet up with whomever was there when I got there.

Having decided that much, I woke up that Sunday morning and laid in bed browsing Twitter, trying to figure out what to do for breakfast. I ended up connecting with my friends Alyssa and Dave and some of their other friends. One of them was kind enough to drop me back off at the Hilton afterward, where I proceeded into the Starbucks to get an iced tea. As I walked toward the entrance, I noticed a woman, wearing a sleeveless shirt, sitting on the bench outside, talking on her phone. She had a tattoo on her upper arm that looked familiar to me, so I looked at her face, and that’s when I realized who it was…

Continue reading Right place + Right time = Magic

My Disappointments are Legion

Very clearly, my disappointments are not a unit of Roman soldiers.


Okay, so to restart this party, let’s do the easy post and talk about Legion, shall we?

Given that the expansion has been out nearly 10 months at this point, I’m probably not going to say anything that hasn’t been uttered at least once by longtime WoW players everywhere. However, since the last post that I left up for the same 10 month span was about WoW, I’m going to pick up with blogging where I left off: complaining about the game.

I absolutely love parts of Legion. The questing in all of the zones up to Suramar is hands down some of the best content Blizzard have ever come up with. I particularly loved Highmountain from the standpoint of maining as a hunter. I also think that the game is the most visually stunning it’s ever been, and while one would hope to be able to say that solely from a GFX processing standpoint in 2017, I also mean that the designers are creating beautiful artwork, and I love being immersed in it.

I’d love it even more if I could fly, but we’ll leave that discussion for a future post.

The problem, however, is that the immersion is long gone, and was immediately upon finishing the story questing. The storyline in Suramar doesn’t count for me because it’s broken up by all of the reputation gating and excessive gathering just to progress the story (I seriously would prefer going back and re-doing the original Golden Lotus rep grind before they nerfed it to finishing Suramar, which is why I haven’t).

Here are the things that are driving me crazy about Legion:

  • the de-emphasis of connecting with real individuals and forming in-game connections with the other humans who play it
  • the resulting continued proliferation of trolls in randomized group content
  • Garrisonville 2.0…I mean, class order hall missions/leveling/resource gathering
  • the death of any desire to ever level an alt again
  • AP grind
  • order resource grind
  • the fact that my troll Beast Master is made to use a rifle (good thing there’s such a thing as transmog)
  • gating of questing content behind dungeon quests and reputation – I’m looking at you, Nightfallen
  • the fact that I’ve been grinding a drop for a SKINNING QUEST off and on for months now

I could probably go on but the list would only get more and more nitpicky.

It pains me to say it, but at this point, I’m not even a casual player. If it suits me, I get up in the morning and do some #goldmaking and when I run out of things to sell, I run one or more alts around old content picking those things up. I’m up over a million gold for the first time in my WoW career, which is a silver lining, but what’s the point if you don’t have people around to share the experience with? I’ve done exactly one wing of Emerald Nightmare LFR and that was with a friend from Twitter who was helping me gear for a little bit back in February, before I lost interest in the game for the third time since the expansion released.

WoW is my sentimental favorite, but Overwatch has superseded it as my current favorite and obsession, by a long shot. And in many ways, it breaks my heart, because the core of this game for me, besides the lore, is the friendships it always fostered and the time spent enjoying the game with those friends. Lately, that has been largely non-existent because those friends are just as disillusioned as I am with things, and are therefore not logging in the same ways we all used to: to sit for hours and play together.

So, for now I’m still paying my sub so I can make gold and putz around when it suits me. What I need to do is take a page out of @AlternativeChat‘s book and just make the game my own. I suppose that when I feel like it, I will. For now, though, I’m just another disillusioned WoW veteran who loves the game enough not to want to quit, but not enough to want to play it.

Feeling it out as I go…

…just like the rest of you. I’m going to make an effort to get back to sharing tidbits about my life and thoughts here. I mean, I pay for the site and my dear friend is hosting it for me for free. I should use it, right? Perhaps it’ll help me make sense of some of the goings-on in my life.

See you soon, then. ^.^

The End is Coming. Finally.

Get thee out of my quiet, lovely, Valley of Wisdom, you Negative Nancy, you!

The end of Warlords of Draenor is coming, Legion is almost here, and it’s about damned time. I have to say, I’m so past ready for new stuff in WoW that I am nearly apathetic to the fact that in 26 days, there’ll be new things to do.

Warlords of Draenor was a disappointment for me in many ways, and perfectly enjoyable in other ways. I, like many others, feel that the devs missed the boat with garrisons. I resented greatly being made to play my supposedly immersive, massively-multiplayer role-playing game as if it were one of those utterly ridiculous Facebook games that makes you spam everyone else’s Facebook feed with requests to join the game just so you can get 5 more resources…I mean, coins. Garrisonville missed the mark with me, big time, to the point where even though I knew how much gold I could’ve been making, I never optimized even one of my 5 level 100 characters’ garrison to rake in the 1000s of gold I saw others hauling in daily.

Lore-wise, I thought WoD really nailed everything during questing. I still haven’t done the Alliance side of the experience, but I thought the Horde side of the experience was amazing. Even now, if I leveled another alt through Frostfire, the cinematic at the end of the zone would give me chills. The cutscene in Talador induced both chills and tears, as well as a fierce desire to eradicate the Iron Horde, Gul’dan, and everything he stood for. I was so excited during questing! Then the end of the questing came and…well. Between there being nothing story-driven and the fact that most of my guild felt the same way, I quit playing WoD about 6 weeks in, for a period of about 4 months. I basically only logged in once a day to swap missions around and do my AH business. I was really disillusioned.

Over time, I managed to get all 5 of my previously-capped toons to 100 on my main Horde server. I also got my second hunter to level 60 and promptly server-transferred her with a faction swap so I could join a guild I had friends in on the Alliance side, in order to pursue my Alliance Loremaster. This is mostly out of a desire to understand the other side of the faction coin; I’ve been such a Dirty Hordie for almost all of my 7+ years of playing WoW. Previously I had only ever leveled to about 31 with a toon on Alliance side, after which point I gave up because Darkshire is goddamn depressing. I used my Legion pre-purchase boost to bring that same hunter to 100, which means I’ll be able to do all of the 1-100 content with ease and then get her to 110, eventually. I’ll always be a For the Horde kind of gal, but I am such a fan of lore, I have to experience it all.

At this point, though (and really, for months now), I’m just tired of waiting for the new content. Next Tuesday will be great, assuming that the Demon Hunter new area isn’t so clogged with pre-purchasers that the lag is too bad to play. I’m interested in the lore of the DHs, too, of course, plus the idea of a new melee class is interesting for sure. For someone like me who took a long, long time to come around to the idea of playing melee at all, that’s kind of a big statement. However, because I’m uncertain about changes to my beloved Beast Mastery, I figure that I need to keep my mind open to the fact that for the first time ever I might enjoy playing a different class/spec more than my usual “BM FOR LIFE” mentality.

Upon consideration, however, I’m actually quite glad that I’m on vacation from August 25-31. I won’t have to endure that last week of sitting in my desk chair, bouncing like Tigger, going “OMG IS IT HERE YET?!”, because I’ll be busy with extremely the pleasurable pursuits of showing off my home state to a highly-anticipated visitor. I return home the day after launch, which means I’ll miss out on some of the awful server lag and maybe the worst of the queues to get online. I’ve never been the one who wants to race through leveling, anyway, so world-first level 110 hunter will not go to me, and that’s the way I like it. I’m going to take my time with leveling, though I may do some dungeons along the way this time around so that I’m not so hopeless about them when I actually reach 110. You wouldn’t believe the flak I’ve taken over the years when I get to max level and tell people in dungeons “this is my first time in here”. Some people are completely incredulous that one would not want to do dungeons as one leveled. It’s never been my favorite thing, but it might be time to shake things up a bit in my approach to the game, to make sure it really does feel new and fresh.

The end is finally coming; bring on the new already!

Getting back on the path

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I wonder if other people react the same way to this: someone tells you how awesome you are at something, and then you automatically don’t want to do it anymore for fear that you will somehow let them down with your sudden lack of awesomeness at this thing which you were ostensibly great at. That was the catalyst that initially stopped me writing last year; someone told me she loved my blogs and suddenly I had writer’s block. I can’t blame it all on her, because the issue was really my own insecurity. It was like as soon as I knew I had a captive audience, my brain was like “OH GOD, NOW I HAVE TO DELIVER?!” and just noped off to the corner to stick its fingers in its ears with the requisite “lalalala I can’t hear you” mantra.

The thing is, I really did just start this thing to keep myself accountable for my journey, and that was the other thing that failed in the last 7 months. I haven’t been successful at holding myself accountable at all, despite going through periods of real effort at doing so. I got obstinate and surly about the fact that I seemingly (because we really don’t know what other people’s struggles are, do we?) have to work so much harder than others to reach and obtain optimal health. And that ugly asshole, Depression, reared its head for a while too, and because I’m an emotional eater, guess what happened there? Yup, a gain of 25 lbs.

So, now I’m struggling to regain my consistency in both nutrition and exercise, but I blatantly refuse to give up entirely. Nobody else is going to be able to make this happen for me, so if I want it, I have to do it myself. As a result of the reaffirmation of that understanding in my brain, my efforts have to be re-doubled….really, re-trebled if I’m going to get ahead. Apparently sometimes on a journey of 1000 miles, you end up retracing your steps here and there. I suppose that’s something we all should already know; how many of us get side-tracked off of the path to our goals and end up facing the wrong way, or re-treading the same ground we’ve already traversed? I think it’s a part of the human condition, but that doesn’t mean I can’t consciously choose to try to counteract that tendency.

Alright then, here goes. Time for yet another #notestomyself:

Dear Twenty,

It’s time to get your ass in gear and hold yourself accountable again.  You *need * this,  mentally and physically,  to be a better massage therapist,  a better family member and friend, a better girlfriend…a better, happier, healthier you.  So, go. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of everything and everyone else that is important to you.

You’ve got this. I love you, and so do a lot of others. GO FOR IT!



Leaving the Closet Behind: My Coming Out Story

This is going to be a long post, so bear with me.

The thing that they don’t tell you when you first come out of the closet is that you will always be coming out. I’ve come out so many times in my life, in multitudes of situations. The reality of being non-heterosexual in the current state of our society is that most people still assume that everyone else is heterosexual. My comings-out have occurred in video games, on social media, at the grocery store, with medical staff (No, there is absolutely no chance that I am pregnant. Yes, I’m sure.), in classrooms, at work, driving down the road (it’s hard not to be out to everyone if you cover your car in rainbows like I did at age 21), and in this blog post…and everywhere in between. There’s always going to be someone I meet who doesn’t know that I am a lesbian. Coming out is a perpetual process, and that’s something that each of us who comes out has to come to terms with in his or her own way. That being said, here I present the story of my initial, capital-letters, Coming Out.

Continue reading Leaving the Closet Behind: My Coming Out Story

RE: Caitlyn…or, We’re In the Turning Point

I didn’t think I wanted to say anything specific about the Caitlyn Jenner announcement, but I sent out some tweets today that I think sum up my viewpoint very well. It started with this retweet:

Continue reading RE: Caitlyn…or, We’re In the Turning Point